Below are a few questions I asked Sheila Warnock, author of Share the Care recently for my monthly newsletter…(sign up for monthly newsletter here)

JH: When an adult child first realizes they need outside help in assisting a newly widowed parent, what is the first thing they need to do to assemble support team or “caregiver group”? How soon after loss do you think this should take place?

 SW: GET EVERYONE ON THE SAME PAGE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. A family discussion with your siblings and newly widowed parent will enable your family to honestly determine what kind of assistance is needed, who in the community might help and how fast you need to get organized. It’s crucial to recognize if your parent will need a great deal of support, or if they can do well just cushioned with loving practical and emotional backing for a few weeks or months. If a parent needs constant companionship and physical care other options may need to be considered with input from his or her physician. The key is to agree support is needed. A parent might resist allowing others to help fearing loss of independence, being perceived as a burden, or that they could never reciprocate. (more…)

Like President-Elect Obama, many of us face personal parental and grandparent loss as our incredibly busy lives swirl around us and life expects us to move on. I can’t imagine what it was like for Obama to lose his grandmother the day after winning the Presidential election. As a griever, Obama will walk through his grief in both private and public ways. I am sure he will have all the best grief counselors and advisors at his disposal but what books would I recommend to assist him with his journey through grief? I believe the best would be 1) Healing After Loss (a small mediation book) by Martha Hickman; 2) This Thing Called Grief: New Understandings Of Loss by Tom Ellis, 3) and for the upcoming holidays…Healing Your holiday Grief: 100 Practical Ideas for Blending Mourning and Celebration during the Holiday Season by Alan Wolfelt for their ease of reading and usefulness. Please add your ideas of excellent grief resources for Obama during his journey after loss…